Lyrics to the Anaesthetists Hymn

Everybody wonders what anaesthetists do while the patient is asleep
Everybody wonders what we do for three hours while that machine goes beep
Everybody reckons we drink coffee and we gossip and we’re generally subversive
Everybody reckons we do crosswords and sudoku and we chat up all the nurses

But do you really think that’s all we do
Well let me tell you now it isn’t true

‘Cos we sometimes check the screen
And every now and then we write stuff
And if we have to intervene, we inject a bit of white stuff
And we offer to alter the lights or the height of the bed
Or fiddle with the radio, change the CD,
We even check the patient occasionally

And if they move, we turn up the vapour
And then we go back to reading a paper

‘Cos when the patient’s asleep
we just sit and listen to the beep
we just sit and listen to the…

Once upon a time I took pride in my job
But now I think it’s time to depart

‘cos I just sit here every day and listen to blips of the heart